Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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