So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
