i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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