Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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