i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
