Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
