What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
