john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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