You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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