She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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