i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
