well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
