My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
