seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
