In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
