so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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