We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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