dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
