I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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