i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
