There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
