woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
