Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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