I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize