Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize