we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Mom said you looked used
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
