I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
