put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
