You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
