who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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