so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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