Don't worry. I has chaperone.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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