Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
