I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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