dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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