i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
