Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
