I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
