why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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