Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That accounts for only three of the penises
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
