I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
