So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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