Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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