Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
