I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You're my little dorito
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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