All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize