State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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