the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
