I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
