So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
