Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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