My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize