id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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