There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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