allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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