Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
