we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
