Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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