im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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