If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
