They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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