maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i think my mom watched the whole time
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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