Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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