its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
