Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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