So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My breasts were aching with rage.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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