well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
