his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
