You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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