I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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