she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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