Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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