about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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