So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
