first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have post one night stand depression
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