the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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