If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize