Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I looked at my own cervix.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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