puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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